Surrender

I surrender. Then, a bit later, I surrender again. And, a few moments later, once more. Some days it's like that for me. More often than not.

And every time that I surrender, I have a moment of release, and peace, and serenity, even. Maybe, it's the habit of slipping into gratitude at the drop of a hat, and probably it is more likely the moment by moment surrender that fosters the underlying joy in my heart every day, under everything, even the tough stuff.

I don't throw up any white flags. It is nothing about defeat in battle. Rather, it is knowing my better with every fiber of my being. I can let go of my false pride and simply let go of my false sense of control over those things that I really have no control over at all.

It is a gift from higher power. And I am ever grateful, whatever causes it.

The Gift of a Life!

Each morning that I awaken and remember with heartfelt gratitude what a gift life really is, the rest of the day flows easier. Even when there are tough things to walk through, the walking is easier with an attitude of gratitude in my gut.

There have been times in my life that I took it all for granted and plenty of time that I just shucked it through lack of attention or due to abuse of one kind or another. During those dark days hard stuff hit me hard, except of course when I was completely oblivious to it. I think the point is life was pretty much miserable and filled with drama.

Nowadays, however, I recognize what an absolute gift life really is. And when I consciously appreciate that, and give thanks for it, it is a joyous and serene gift indeed.

So special...

Most all of my life, I have considered myself "different." That belief has been reflected back to me by many others. Certainly, most of my life was different than the norm in it's outward appearance. I mean, not a lot of people lived in a cabin on a mountain as a child, with no water or electricity. Few studied by candlelight, or broke the ice on the creek to wash their face. At least, that is not the norm nowadays, except for maybe those unfortunate enough to be experiencing homelessness, and the few hardy souls that have chosen to live off the grid. I haven't watched TV a majority of my life. That alone has given me a whole different slant on life than those who are immersed in the culture of television.

Yet, it is not the differences that matter most to my heart and my experience of my Higher Power. It is working the steps on my flavor of insanity that awakens my awareness of our commonality, of the love of a community dedicated to this spiritual journey, of the similarity we reflect in our humanity.  Every time I remember "There but for the Grace of God go I," it seems most apparent that I am far less different than I might consider myself. I may be unique, but so is every other person on this planet. We share that trait. Even in our differences we are the same.

Graced by Clouds

Yesterday, I went to the movies with my husband. When we came out of the theater, near sunset, we were overwhelmed by the beauty of the clouds. We had just been sitting in front of the big screen watching a dynamic and dramatic fantasy that was extremely well done, yet it paled in my minds eye to the sheer intensity and immensity of the breathtaking vision provided by nature outside the confining walls of the theater. The range of colors from palest peach to bright butter yellow, from fluffy white to deepest darkest grey was all tied together in the brilliant blue sky by all shades of pink, lavender, orange and pale grey. Stunning, simply stunning.

I can think of many times in my past that clouds seemed to me the harbinger of misery, reminding me with their wet cargo of my clouded thoughts, clouded vision, cloudy emotions, and the dark cloud of depression. They blocked the light and darkened my path, rained on my parade, and quick-started my tears. It is amazing to me how far I am willing to stretch my view of reality to anthropomorphize my environment so that I can project my own shadow upon it, yet, clouds are still quite capable when called upon to maintain a misery-inducing countenance. 

Today, however, clouds appear to be a different thing entirely in my view. In that moment yesterday, when we stepped out of the theater, the clouds graced us with nature's bountiful beauty. My chest opened up, expanded by glory, and I was overtaken by gratitude. The unsuppressed exuberance of the lumbering walls of intrepid moisture bolstered every bold bone in my body, filling my being with bravery previously unknown to my heart. I was favored in that moment and blessed with a knowingness that I am a part of all this. Every day, every moment, I have the opportunity to discover the blessings, to awaken to the glory of it all, to allow grace into my heart.