Active Prayer

Somewhere in the last few weeks I read the concept that prayer is not really prayer until we take action, until we move in the direction, fully in the surrender and faith. It reminds me of the suggestion that we "act as if" until it is so.

I've always thought that prayer was a one-sided conversation, and that meditation was a practice of listening, yet somehow, by the definition of prayer that I just mentioned, it becomes more dynamic, more alive, and more effective.

Either way, I know that I have been struggling to keep up on all the daily disciplines which I have intended to cultivate. In the past I have started out slow, adding different items rather quickly, until I reach overload. Then I would quit it all entirely. In the last couple years, I've really worked on simplifying, and only paying attention to one thing at a time until it is well established. Adding new habits has been very slow.

I am here recognizing consciously that this blog has languished because of this practice. I intend to turn that around, a very little at a time. In past I struggled with what to say. I'm certainly not any kind of expert in recovery (is anyone?), and I didn't wish to identify any of my 12 step work for purposes of anonymity.

I had a dream the other night, however, and was reminded that all twelve step programs that I am aware, as well as most spiritual practices include gratitude. So, I've decided that if nothing else arises here, I can certainly share my gratitude, as it is one of my daily habits to review what I am grateful for right then. This practice has lifted me up out of the darkest cloud days, out of resentment, out of various kinds of self-inflicted miseries. It is the most active prayer practice that I can think of, as well as one of the most effective.

Today, I am grateful for beginning this blog again. I'm grateful for the reminder from my mentor, and my own willingness to begin again, over and over. I'm also grateful to know that I don't have to have all of the answers right now, or do everything right now. Each moment I have the opportunity to begin again.

One Piece at a Time

I'm thinking all of things that I've taken on lately are too much. I'm feeling like I could be overwhelmed, drowned in all of the busy-ness that I have laid out for myself.

Time to remember I don't have to complete it all now. I don't even have to complete it all tomorrow, or next month. I only have to stay in the right now, and do one piece at a time. I am grateful for that.

Graced by Clouds

Yesterday, I went to the movies with my husband. When we came out of the theater, near sunset, we were overwhelmed by the beauty of the clouds. We had just been sitting in front of the big screen watching a dynamic and dramatic fantasy that was extremely well done, yet it paled in my minds eye to the sheer intensity and immensity of the breathtaking vision provided by nature outside the confining walls of the theater. The range of colors from palest peach to bright butter yellow, from fluffy white to deepest darkest grey was all tied together in the brilliant blue sky by all shades of pink, lavender, orange and pale grey. Stunning, simply stunning.

I can think of many times in my past that clouds seemed to me the harbinger of misery, reminding me with their wet cargo of my clouded thoughts, clouded vision, cloudy emotions, and the dark cloud of depression. They blocked the light and darkened my path, rained on my parade, and quick-started my tears. It is amazing to me how far I am willing to stretch my view of reality to anthropomorphize my environment so that I can project my own shadow upon it, yet, clouds are still quite capable when called upon to maintain a misery-inducing countenance. 

Today, however, clouds appear to be a different thing entirely in my view. In that moment yesterday, when we stepped out of the theater, the clouds graced us with nature's bountiful beauty. My chest opened up, expanded by glory, and I was overtaken by gratitude. The unsuppressed exuberance of the lumbering walls of intrepid moisture bolstered every bold bone in my body, filling my being with bravery previously unknown to my heart. I was favored in that moment and blessed with a knowingness that I am a part of all this. Every day, every moment, I have the opportunity to discover the blessings, to awaken to the glory of it all, to allow grace into my heart.