Active Prayer

Somewhere in the last few weeks I read the concept that prayer is not really prayer until we take action, until we move in the direction, fully in the surrender and faith. It reminds me of the suggestion that we "act as if" until it is so.

I've always thought that prayer was a one-sided conversation, and that meditation was a practice of listening, yet somehow, by the definition of prayer that I just mentioned, it becomes more dynamic, more alive, and more effective.

Either way, I know that I have been struggling to keep up on all the daily disciplines which I have intended to cultivate. In the past I have started out slow, adding different items rather quickly, until I reach overload. Then I would quit it all entirely. In the last couple years, I've really worked on simplifying, and only paying attention to one thing at a time until it is well established. Adding new habits has been very slow.

I am here recognizing consciously that this blog has languished because of this practice. I intend to turn that around, a very little at a time. In past I struggled with what to say. I'm certainly not any kind of expert in recovery (is anyone?), and I didn't wish to identify any of my 12 step work for purposes of anonymity.

I had a dream the other night, however, and was reminded that all twelve step programs that I am aware, as well as most spiritual practices include gratitude. So, I've decided that if nothing else arises here, I can certainly share my gratitude, as it is one of my daily habits to review what I am grateful for right then. This practice has lifted me up out of the darkest cloud days, out of resentment, out of various kinds of self-inflicted miseries. It is the most active prayer practice that I can think of, as well as one of the most effective.

Today, I am grateful for beginning this blog again. I'm grateful for the reminder from my mentor, and my own willingness to begin again, over and over. I'm also grateful to know that I don't have to have all of the answers right now, or do everything right now. Each moment I have the opportunity to begin again.

What Do I Do with the Day?

Each twenty-four hours is unique and transitory. As I get older I seem to be even more aware of this. I pack every day so full that time warps right on by. Still, it is a journey of joy. I start most every day in gratitude and joyous anticipation, and end it joyously grateful for a day of life full of meaning and rich experience. It seems that just letting go of DRAMA opens up my precious time for immersing in a real and juicy life.

One Piece at a Time

I'm thinking all of things that I've taken on lately are too much. I'm feeling like I could be overwhelmed, drowned in all of the busy-ness that I have laid out for myself.

Time to remember I don't have to complete it all now. I don't even have to complete it all tomorrow, or next month. I only have to stay in the right now, and do one piece at a time. I am grateful for that.

There but for the grace...

I was reminded yesterday of the grace I have experienced this life. I've been in the mud up past my armpits several times, yet I did not go under. And it was not me that kept me from going under. Grace gave me a solid rock to stand on in that slippery scarey place. And it was grace that nudged me to make the decision to stay on the up and up rather than slide into old behavior. On my own, I am not always so wise. My brain can go a bit crazy over the simplest of things.

So, yesterday, in the midst of counting blessings that have been coming my way lately, I was reminded, and I felt gratitude once more still. And, later in the day, when I got a call from someone who was in a place that I used to be, I repeated "There but for the grace of God..." one more time. I sure appreciate newcomers.

Gratitude Keeps Me Going

When I'm really down in the dumps, all I have to remember is to be grateful to get back out.

Last week my car was stolen while I was at work. I worked from noon until 4pm - so it was during broad daylight and right off of a busy main street. I was shocked. My car is 21 years old and has over 324,700 miles on it. It did not even occur to me for at least a minute that someone took it. I mean, why would anyone take my funky car? They don't know that it still gets 38 mpg. 

Anyway, once it sunk in that that was the only logical conclusion, I started praying. AND, I started with my gratitudes. I was at first grateful that I had been given the car last year and had had all this use of it. I was grateful that my husband was on staycation for the week, so he could pick me up readily. And I silently gave thanks that I was able to find a friendly police person to report the theft to.

Long story short, in the end I stayed in gratitude for the whole experience, even when they found the car and I had to pay $220 to retrieve it from the tow yard a few blocks from my job. And I prayed for guidance.

That is where the big gratitude comes in, with another story. Many years ago I took an important trip in another funky vehicle. It got me there and back again despite all odds, fueled on prayer and guidance, and then completely quit working as I drove into my driveway. As I was walking the 3 mile hike to the bus to get to work the next morning, I prayed and expressed my deep gratitude for the safe travels and all of the clear guidance I had experienced. Then I said,

"You know, it would be really cool, if just once, you would send me really clear guidance sometime, like in the form of a written message. Just so I would really know I wasn't making it up."

A few feet further on my trek to the bus, I noticed something bright blue on the side of the road. It caught my eye, so I stopped and picked it up. It was a laminated poster thingy. It said, "Miracles do happen."

 
My heart filled to overflowing with gratitude. There was something sticky on the back of it, so without thinking, I pulled it off, crumpled it up and tossed it back in the ditch. Then I turned the thing over. There was a very clear rectangle where something had been there to block the suns rays, so that it was faded differently. I picked up the paper I had tossed, uncrumpled it, and read what it had to say, "Message."

That day was one of those miracle-spiritual pinnacle days in my life. I've kept the Message hung on my wall wherever I have lived all of these years since.

So, back to the car.

When I went and picked up my retrieved stolen car last week, I prayed again with gratitude. It started right up. There were no parts missing from it, nothing missing from inside it either. I kept re-affirming that even having to pay the $220 was some kind of a God thing, and that I would remain grateful for having the money to pay it. 

A little ways down the road, I looked in the back seat. Everything had been taken from the floor, and put up on the seat, except one blue thing. There was my Message! laying on the floor of the car! All I can say is, with gratitude, Miracles do happen.